


Cherry Slurpees, Loony Tunes, and Russians

by KathyPrior42



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: JusticeForAlexei
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 02:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19736704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KathyPrior42/pseuds/KathyPrior42





	Cherry Slurpees, Loony Tunes, and Russians

June 28, 1984

Episode 18 Suzie, do you copy?  
Below in a hidden chamber, men in hazmat suits worked on a powerful device. Several of them powered up a long cylinder-like device by pushing a series of buttons. One of the Russian scientists was named Alexei, a tall man with curly black hair, white skin, and glasses. He wore a white lab coat and had a black pen tucked into his left shirt pocket. Alexei followed the lead scientist into the overhead room. The lead scientist opened a silver briefcase, revealing two metal keys. The man handed one to Alexei, who took it. Both men exchanged nods and put the keys in. The device soon opened a crack in a wall to another world, an eerie orange light shining through the crack. Black tendrils of a creature snaked through the gap. Alexei and scientist exchanged pleased nods. But soon enough, Alexei noticed the coffee mug and the desk rattle. The device soon malfunctioned, and powered down. Lights overhead sparked out and devices nearby short-circuited. But more disturbing of all was the moment when the men below got electrocuted by the lightning and soon were blasted to smithereens. The general did not look happy. Alexi soon followed the men down the stairs. The bloody charred remains of the engineers littered the floor and Alexei tried not to puke. 

One of the scientists spoke in Russian and walked over to the general, who had his hand on the wall where the partially opened barrier stood. “Comrade-General. We are close. You can see. You can see our progress. We just need more time…”  
The scientist was lifted in the air in a tight chokehold.   
The leader walked over to Alexei and spoke to him coldly in Russian: “You have one year.”  
“Yes, Comrade-General,” said Alexei, his fear rising as the general left the room. 

Alexei walked up the stairs, past another man speaking in code.   
“The silver cat feeds when blue meets yellow in the west. A trip to China sounds nice, if you tread lightly. The week is long. The silver cat feeds…”  
Alexei pushed open several doors and made his way into the overhead room.  
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” asked a fellow scientist in Russian next to him.  
Alexei nodded and observed the device below, which was gradually being repaired. 

Episode 22 The Flayed  
Hopper and Joyce entered the secret room underneath the Hess farmhouse. The basement room was wide and metallic. Devices with spiral tops, along with some dashboards took up some space. A metal box, which looked like a TV, briefly shone in the light from Hopper’s flashlight. He held his flashlight in one hand and his gun in the other as Joyce followed close behind. A distant rattling noise and male Russian voices caught their attention. 

“Hey, dips*its!” Hopper called out as he pointed his gun forward.

Alexei and another Russian stood up to look, one of their tools clattering to the ground.   
Hopper spoke. “Hawkins PD. Hands in the air. Don’t make me say it again!”  
The other man spoke rapidly in Russian. Joyce and Hopper exchanged confused looks.   
“English. You speak English?” asked Hopper.  
Alexei spoke fast and tried to get Hopper to calm down.  
“I can’t understand you!”  
Alexei pointed to himself.  
“I can’t understand you,” Hopper said again, frustrated. “No understand!”  
Joyce pointed up to the ceiling. “Hopper!” she warned.  
They could hear footsteps from above, dust falling from above. The Russian assassin, Grigori slowly made his way down the stairs. Before he could reach the room, Hopper fought off the larger Russian man, bound him up and gagged him.   
Grigori walked into the metallic room and noticed his comrade tied up and whimpering loudly. Through the gag, he appeared to be warning him that Hopper was behind him.  
“Don’t move.”  
Sure enough, Hopper was behind the man, a gun pointed at his head.  
“Don’t move! Drop the gun.”  
The man wasn’t fazed.  
“Drop it! You understand what I’m saying, big guy? Drop the weapon.”  
“Or what?” Grigori asked in a Russian ascent. “You going to shoot?”  
“Good. So you do understand what I’m saying, huh?” asked Hopper. “And yeah, if you don’t put that thing away, I’m gonna blow some daylight into that thick skull of yours.”  
“No. You won’t do that,” Grigori stated.  
“Why’s that?” asked Hopper.  
“Because you are a policeman. Policemen have rules.”  
“Oh yeah?” He clicked his gun. “Wanna test that theory? I’m gonna count to three. One, two, three!”

Grigori dodged the fiery blast from the gun and knocked it out of his hands. Hopper briefly held him in place but was soon thrown off. Their yells echoed across the room. Grigori’s gun fired several times into the ceiling as both men wrestled for control. Alexei was hand-cuffed by his arms to a pipe and he looked around rapidly in fear. Joyce screamed and ducked close to the floor.

Hopper was knocked against a white pillar, but soon recovered. Both men landed several punches to each other’s heads. The gun slid out of their hands and shortly after, Hopper was thrown down on a grate in the floor. Hopper groaned and coughed, but the assassin kicked him down again. Struggling, Hopper crawled over and reached for another weapon, this time landing a hit on the Russian. Grigori briefly wailed in pain, but recovered.   
“Hopper!” Joyce called, tossing him a shotgun. It landed to the side of the assassin.   
“Oh sh**” Hopper muttered as he ran for cover as Grigori grabbed the weapon and fired.   
“Go!” Hopper yelled, urging Joyce to leave. “Move, Joyce!”  
“Oh God,” Joyce exclaimed. Hopper undid Alexei’s cuffs from the pipes and hosted him up. “Come on, Smirnoff,” he said in a taunting tone. “You’re coming with us.”  
“Go, go, go!” Hopper yelled as Grigori grabbed the black assault rifle.   
Joyce screamed as the trio dashed for their lives up the basement stairs. They slammed the mattress down over the opening, bullets still shooting through the material and throughout the room. Hopper knew the barrier wouldn’t hold for long.   
“Let’s go, let’s go!” Hopper urged. He pushed Alexei forward. “Move it, Smirnoff! Move it! Run!”  
“Joyce, drive!” Hopper yelled, tossing Joyce the keys to his police car.   
Joyce moved as fast as she could.  
“Come on, Joyce, quit screwing around!”  
“Are you kidding me?” she asked in frustration, grabbing the keys from the ground.  
“Joyce, drive,” Hopper urged as they got in.   
Joyce struggled with turning the keys. “I’m trying!”  
Hopper became frantic. “Sh**! Joyce, please, drive! Drive!”  
Joyce finally got the car started and slammed on the gas, the tires squealing across the dirt road. “Get us outta here!” cried Hopper.   
The assassin had emerged from the house and fired his weapon at the car. 

Both Hopper and Alexei screamed as the back window shattered from a bullet.  
Hopper briefly looked back. “Oh god!”  
“Hang on!” yelled Joyce as she rapidly turned the steering wheel, driving through a mailbox.  
Finally, they were on the road and each took a deep sigh of relief, panting to catch their breaths. “Still think it was our government?” asked Hopper to Joyce, disproving her previous assumption. 

By the next morning, hopper’s car had sputtered to a stop in the middle of the woods. The frustrated policeman got out, and opened the hood. He found an idle engine and brief smoke coming out.  
“Son of a bi**h! Son of a bi**h!” he cursed.   
Meanwhile, Joyce was talking to Alexei, who was handcuffed to a nearby tree. She was trying to communicate with him, as he spoke Russian. She held up two small rocks in her hands.  
“Okay, a magnet? Magnets? Do you know “magnet?” Magnet?”   
“Magnit,” Alexei confirmed in Russian.  
“Yes, magnit.” Replied Joyce, relieved. “Okay, so, uh, magnit, on my---my fridge, my icebox, and then they…” She dropped the rocks. “…they fell. They demagnetized, stopped working. Uh, do you understand?”  
“Da.” Alexei nodded.  
“Okay, so is that because of the machines that you’re working on?” Joyce asked.  
“Machina,” Alexei mentioned.  
“Machina, machina, yes,” said Joyce, who then imitated a running engine.   
Alexei pointed to the car. “Da, da, machina. Machina, machina!”   
“Yes, machina…” Joyce added while Alexei said “Vroom, vroom.”  
Joyce paused. “Oh, not, not the car… The machines at Hess Farm where…where we kidnapped you…”  
A frustrated Hopper interrupted them. “Joyce, please! You’re giving me a headache, both of you!”  
Joyce held out her hand, giving Alexei an apologetic look. “Hold on, please, one minute.”  
Joyce marched over to Hopper. “Hey. I am making progress.”  
“Progress,” he scoffed.  
“Yeah.”   
“What have you learned, huh? You learned that Smirnoff over there…”  
“Alexei,” she corrected.  
“Smirnoff is Russian and works for Starcourt, two things we already knew.”  
“Thought we knew,” Joyce explained. “But now we know-know, because I’ve confirmed them.” Then she added sarcastically, “You’re welcome.”  
“Yeah?” Hopper shot back. “Why don’t you confirm whether this baby’ll start, huh?” He tossed her the keys.  
“Keep it in park, please,” he added.  
“Yeah, duh!” Joyce shot back. She muttered and sighed as she got in her seat. “You do…do something useful. You do something useful.”  
She turned the key, but nothing happened.  
“It’s not working.”  
“Try it again.”  
Still, the car would not run.  
“S***” he cursed.   
Joyce pushed on the gas and the engine sputtered dangerously.  
Alexei noticed the commotion and waved his arms in warning. “Hey. Hey. Stop, stop!”  
“Shut up, Smirnoff!” Hopper yelled.  
Alexei pleaded in loud Russian.  
Hopper marched over to him, fists clenched. “Aw come on, do you hear me? I said shut your damn…”  
S***!” Joyce cursed as both noticed the thick black smoke rising from the space inside.   
Hopper stared, wide-eyed. “Oh Jesus.”  
Joyce sprinted out of the car moments before it exploded.  
“Whoa!” Hopper exclaimed.  
“Stop.” Alexei shook his head at Hopper’s stupidity, who in turn just rolled his eyes. 

Hopper un-cuffed Alexei from the tree and pulled him forward through the woods, Joyce walking in front. She talked to Hopper, who had mentioned a friend that could help them.   
“I thought this friend of yours lived in Illinois.”  
“He’s not really a friend. He’s more like an acquaintance,” Hopper explained.  
“Oh, okay well…”  
Alexei swapped insects away from his face.   
Hopper pulled him forward. “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, keep up, keep up, keep up. Easy.”  
Joyce continued, “So this acquaintance lives in Illinois correct?”  
“Yeah, yeah.”  
“So we’re walking to Illinois?” she asked, worried.  
“Yeah, yeah, we’re gonna walk to Illinois,” he replied. “You know, I figure we’ll get there by, like, Friday evening. I hope that works for your schedule. Jesus Christ, Joyce.” He was still upset that Joyce had not met him for a date at a fancy restaurant.   
Joyce glared at him. “We’re not walking to Illinois, okay?”  
“Well, then what are we doing?” Hopper asked.  
“I don’t know, okay? I will…I will figure something out. Isn’t there someone in Indiana who speaks Russian that…”  
Hopper bickered at her some more. “You know what? I’m all ears, Joyce. I’m all ears. I’m all ears!”  
Joyce sighed. “I mean, fine. Just saying.”

They walked for several more miles, the heat casing everyone to sweat uncomfortably. Joyce wrinkled her nose in disgust at Hopper.

“Oh my God. Can you not walk so close?”  
“What?”  
“Can you not walk so close to me? You stink.”  
Hopper just laughed. “I get it, I get it, you’re upset, right?  
Cause I, uh…blew up the car?”  
Joyce glared. “Yeah, with me in it.”  
“Well, I just want to remind you of something, Joyce. I am not a mechanic.”  
“Yeah, clearly. That’s why you should’ve listened to Alexei.”  
Jealousy and anger flared in the policeman’s eyes. “Oh right, yeah. Your new boyfriend, right?”  
Joyce’s voice was laced with sarcasm. “Yes. Every man I talk to from now on has to be my boyfriend.”  
“Yeah, he reminds me a bit of a Russian Scott Clarke,” Hopper added.  
“Oh, here we go,” Joyce said with a sigh.  
Hopper was on a roll. “Maybe you should go on a date. I don’t know. I’m thinking, like, Enzo’s?”  
A flash of white caught Joyce’s eyes.  
“Whoa.”  
“What?” asked Hopper.  
“He’s running,” Joyce said with a nod.  
Hopper whirled around to see Alexei whimpering and running through the forest.   
“You son of a bi***!” Hopper bellowed, chasing after him. The chase lasted several minutes. Alexei chuckled along the way, as if he were enjoying a casual game of tag.  
Hopper yelled and raced after him. “Hey, Smirnoff! Get back here! Hey, c’mere! Hey, c’mere!”  
Alexei suddenly stopped short on top of a clearing and smiled. He spoke in Russian in excitement. Both Hopper and Joyce quickly caught up and noticed what Alexei was seeing. It was a small 7 Eleven convenience store, with a gas station and a parking lot. 

The trio made their way down the hill and entered the store. A bell from the white door dinged after they opened it. Red, white, and blue flags hung along the top part of the wall. A curly-haired cashier named Ricky sat at his spot behind the counter, looking bored. Alexei was the first one to enter the store. The three individuals, all parched with thirst, walked over to the row of see through fridges. They each took out fresh cans of coke for themselves and opened them. They gulped down the sugary brown liquid like they hadn’t had a drink for days.   
“You all gonna pay for those?” Ricky asked from the counter, chewing on some Skittles. Hopper replied with a burp and all three continued to drink. When they were satisfied, Hopper walked over and put money on the counter, along with an Illinois highway map, a pack of Camel cigarettes, chips, and a six pack of Coca Cola.  
As Ricky entered the items and prices into the resister, Hopper glanced over at Alexei. He was over by the Slurpee area, where Slurpee Cola and Slurpee cherry flavors were available. He poured a drop of cherry Slurpee onto his fingers and put them in his mouth.  
“So what are you, some kind of bounty hunter?” asked Ricky to Hopper.  
“I’m a cop,” Hopper replied, “I’m undercover.” Ricky looked taken aback by his statement.   
Just then, Hopper noticed a man with brownish skin drive up in a yellow 70’s car. The man got ready to put gas in his car. Joyce was talking on the phone in a booth outside.  
“Oh, hey, Karen, it’s Joyce. Yeah I’m…I’m just checking on Will. At the movies?”

Hopper walked out with Alexei with some licorice in his mouth. Meanwhile Alexei was slurping his cherry Slurpee loudly.  
Back in the USSR, Alexei didn’t experience the luxuries of vacations, cartoons, amusement park rides, or Slurpees, for that matter. The mess hall meals were less than satisfactory, often consisting of too-cooked sausages, gross soups, days old vegetables, and lukewarm water. Any complaints or rule breaking could get a cadet or soldier killed. Even as a scientist, he had memorized the Soviet rule books in his sleep.   
Although, his scientific work could be a breakthrough, allowing the Russians more control over the US, the world, and potentially, the dimension they were trying to open. After all, it was all for the greater good of his country, right?  
But for now, he pushed his conflicting thoughts aside. For the sugary melt in your mouth taste on his tongue made him giddy in delight. He had never tasted anything so sweet and refreshing in his life. 

“Just keep your mouth shut, alright?” Hopper muttered.  
Hopper then moved Alexei forward. “All right, all right, hop in. Come on, get in.”  
“Hey!” called the car’s owner.  
“Hey!” Hopper retorted.  
“You ‘hey!”  
“You ‘hey! This is a police emergency, all right?” Hopper briefly help up his ID. “I need to commander your vehicle.”   
“What?” asked the man in disbelief.  
“As long as there’s a…a…” Joyce paused as she noticed the commotion.  
“What is your name, sir?” asked Hopper.  
“Todd.”  
“Todd?”  
“Yeah, Todd.”  
“Todd. Listen to me,” said Hopper mentioning to Alexei. “That man in there, I know he doesn’t look it, but he is one of the most dangerous men in the world.”  
From the back seat, Alexei smiled innocently and slurped his drink.  
Hopper tried to come up with an excuse. “He’s uh…murdered many children.”  
“What?” asked Todd.  
“Yeah, he’s a true psychopath. I tracked him over two state lines.”  
Joyce then came running over. “Hey, what’s going on?”  
“Ah detective Byers.” Hopper mentioned.  
Hopper mentioned to the man. “This is Todd. He’s agreed to…lend us his vehicle to transport our dangerous criminal.”  
Joyce tried to think up something to add, sensing their opportunity of transportation. “Oh yeah, very dangerous, uh, forger…er.”   
Hopper nodded. “Yeah, a child murderer.”  
Joyce looked perplexed. “Child murderer?”  
“We should really get going,” Hopper urged.  
Todd was not pleased. “Hey, how do I get my car back?”  
“You just call the station,” Hopper replied.  
“What station?”  
Hopper turned on a radio station loud and music blared. “Ooh I like the sound of that, Todd!”  
“Hey, what station?” Todd yelled.  
“You’re doing the right thing!” Hopper called out as Joyce drove the three of them away.  
Todd stared after them and stomped the ground. “Hey…what the…hey! Dude!”

The trio soon arrived at Murray’s hideout.   
Hopper opened the doors and dragged Alexei out.  
“All right, come on, let’s go. Move it.”  
Joyce walked along beside him. “I thought you said this guy was a journalist.”  
“Yeah, he, uh, he was,” he replied.  
“Was?”  
Hopper ignored her and pressed a white button on a buzzer.

Murray’s voice spoke from overhead. “Look at the camera.” Hopper looked straight ahead. “The camera above you, to the right. Identify yourselves.”  
Joyce waved weakly.  
Hopper spoke up. “Jim Hopper.” He mentioned to Joyce. “Joyce Byers.” He cupped Alexei’s face hard. “Smirinoff.”   
“Alexei,” Joyce corrected with a glare.  
“Alexei,” he repeated.  
“Surname,” stated Murray.  
“I don’t know,” said Joyce.  
“Family name!” Murray yelled in frustration.  
Hopper sighed in annoyance. “Yeah, I know. I told…I don’t know, okay? Open the damn door!”  
“Hopper,” Joyce chided, trying to calm him.  
Hopper reassured her. “It’s alright. Don’t worry. He’s a little bit eccentric but he’s completely harmless.”  
The gray door opened and Murray pointed a two barrel gun at them. All of them stepped back and flinched. Murray stared coldly at Alexei. “Name.”  
Alexei spoke in Russian, “Get that out of my face, you bald American pig.”  
Murray retorted in Russian. “I may be bald, but you’re the one in handcuffs, Soviet scum.”  
Then he said in English, “Hi, Jim.”

The group followed Murray down the long narrow hallway into his many cramped living spaces. “Wait,” he said to the group.  
He opened some cabinet doors and took out a device with a round circular top on the end. It appeared to be some sort of scanning device. He hovered it over the hand-cuffed Alexei. The device beeped loudly when it hovered over the metal cuffs.  
Alexei yelled in Russian: “Hey, watch it!”  
Murray replied in Russian: “Silence, scum.”  
Hopper walked over, clearly impatient. “How long is this gonna take, because I…”  
“No,” Murray cut him off.  
“No.”  
“No,” Murray repeated. “You do not get to question me. You have dragged an enemy of the state into my home as carelessly as a child drags in s***on his shoe. I will search him until I am satisfied.”  
Joyce mentioned for Hopper to go and talk to her. “Jim, c’mere. Just c’mere. I need to talk to you.”  
Hopper groaned silently and walked toward the back of the room with Joyce. “Yeah, what?”  
“What? This is not gonna work.”  
“What do you mean?” Hopper asked.  
“Glass houses, Joyce.”  
“What?” she asked, confused.  
“You know, pot calling the kettle back.”  
Joyce sighed and briefly tilted her head back. “Oh come on.”  
“Excuse me!” Murray called out.  
“What?” Hopper spat back.  
“Do me a favor and move your lover’s quarrel elsewhere,” Murray demanded.  
Joyce rolled her eyes. “Oh, no, this.”  
Hopper rapidly shook his head. “Oh no no, not a lovers’ quarrel, pal.”  
“Spare me!” Murray exclaimed.  
Joyce marched over to the eccentric man. “What is your problem?”  
Murray yelled, “Please, stop talking!”  
“No!” she replied, starting her rant. “We have had a very long day. We have been shot at, nearly blown up, walked god knows how many miles in a hundred degree heat, stole a car, all while being chased by this gigantic…psychopath, all so we could bring him to you. Because somehow, you’re the closest person who speaks Russian, which I can’t believe. But that doesn’t matter because, unfortunately, we’re here. So, if you don’t mind, put that thing away, stop behaving like a jackass, and ask him what he’s doing that’s making my magnets fall off my damn fridge! Please.”  
With that, Murray fell silent and Hopper led Alexei into the small living room.

Episode 23 E Pluribus Unum

Hopper comes back with a Burger King bag to Murray, Joyce, and Alexei.

Hopper: “Two whoppers, extra ketchup, large fry, pack of Marlboro Reds, and one extra-large slurpee.”

Alexei smiles as he watches Loony Tunes on TV. Woody the Woodpecker kicks Daffy Duck into a wall on a ship. Alexei grins and picks up the slurpee drink. He then arranges his cloth napkin into his shirt.

Hopper: “Burger King is nowhere near 7 Eleven by the way.”  
Murray: “Never said it was.”  
Hopper: “Let’s try this again. Joyce.”  
Joyce: “Alexei.”

Alexei bites into a hamburger and looks over.

Joyce: “The generators. What are they powering?”  
Hopper: “And tell him we know it is not the Starcourt Mall, so he can stop selling us that crap.”  
Murray (in Russian): “Those generators you were working on. What are you powering? We know it’s not the mall.”

Alexei spits out the drink in disgust and coughs

Alexei (in Russian): “This tastes like sh** strawberry.”  
Hopper: “What’d he say?”  
Murray: “He says, ‘it’s strawberry.’”  
Hopper: “I’m sorry?”  
Murray: “His…Slurpee. He says it’s strawberry.”  
Alexei wipes his mouth with the napkin.  
Hopper: “So what?”  
Joyce: “Hop, he did ask for cherry. I mean…”  
Hopper: “Well, they didn’t have cherry. They didn’t have it. And it doesn’t matter because it all tastes the same, okay? It is sugar on ice. You tell him that.”  
Murray: “Tell him what?”  
Hopper: “You tell him that it all tastes the goddamn same!”  
Murray (in Russian): “It’s all the same. Sugar on ice. No difference.”  
Alexei (in Russian): “Tell that stupid man it is not the same in the slightest, and I would like the cherry I requested.”  
Murray: “He respectfully disagrees. It’s not the same at all, and he would like cherry.”  
Alexei chuckles as he watches the woodpecker pound on the duck’s head with a large hammer.  
Hopper: “Oh yeah? You tell him…he can forget it.”  
Murray (in Russian) “He says forget it. No cherry.”  
Alexei: “No cherry, no deal.”  
Alexei laughs as the woodpecker stabs at the duck with a sword.  
Murray: “He says no cherry, no deal. Yeah.”  
Hopper yells and rushes to attack.  
Murray: “Oh sh**!”  
Joyce: “No Hop…”  
Hopper slams him on the food covered table.  
Murray: “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!”  
Hopper: “I’m not gonna hurt him!”  
Joyce: What are you doing?”  
Hopper pushes him back against the chair, now on the floor.  
Murray: “Come on! Come on!”  
Hopper: “I’m just giving him an opportunity to get his own damn cherry Slurpee!”  
Hopper throws him out the door. Alexei retrieves his glasses as Hopper throws him a set of keys. Hopper closes the door.

Murray: “Jim, that man is an enemy of the state.”  
Hopper: “Yeah, who’s been jerking us around for a full day! I get him his cherry Slurpee, then what? He wants a helicopter to charter him to his own private island. I have dealt with a**holes like this my entire life.”

Alexei crawls over and picks up the keys, using them to free his hands from the hand cuffs and chuckles. 

Hopper: “Yesterday in the woods, he could’ve escaped, but he didn’t. He stuck with us.”  
Murray: “Why do you think that is?”  
Hopper: “It’s because he’s scared.”

Alexei glances over at the tan car and grins.

Hopper: “He’s scared. Not of us, of them. He’s scared of that seven foot tall Russian freak who could’ve killed him just as easily as us. Smirnoff knows that if he runs back to his comrades without a scratch on him, they’re gonna think that he spilled his guts. So, whether he likes it or not, we, are the best chance he’s got.”

Alexei leaps into the car.

Hopper: “I give him 30 seconds before he comes knocking on that door, right back into our arms, with a new sense of humility.”

Alexei turns the key and Neutron Dance plays on the radio. He laughs giddly.  
Murray: “Jim, uh, I believe he has started the car.”  
Joyce: “Hopper.”  
Hopper: “You know, testing us. He’s just calling my bluff.”  
Murray: “I believe he is now driving away.”  
Joyce: “Jim. Jim, move.”  
Hopper: “Joyce…”  
Joyce (pushes past him): “Move, move, move!”

Alexei stops the car and makes a decision. He backs up and shuts off the engine. He gets out, mutters in Russian and hands the keys back to Hopper.

Hopper: “I’m sorry, what’d he say?”  
Murray: “He says he likes strawberry, too.”

Back in Murray’s living space  
Murray: “He calls it the key, and this key emits a great energy. It requires much strength, power. Those houses, like the one you found, they’re located near, uh, transformers. They’re stealing from your town’s power grid.”  
Hopper: “Why build this key here? Why are they not doing this in their own backyard? What are they trying to do, blow us to smithereens?”  
(Both speak Russian)  
Murray: “There were many of these, uh, keys before in Russia, but they turned out wrong. They had to come where the…where the, uh…”  
Hopper: “Where the what?”  
Murray: “I don’t understand what he’s saying.”  
Joyce: “I thought you were fluent.”  
Murray: “Oh, I’m sorry. Are my free translation services not good enough for you? Because you can just go ahead and file your complaint right up my a**!”  
Hopper: “What is Smirnoff doing?”  
Murray: “He’s showing me.”  
Alexei holds up a fry box and a straw. He pokes a hole into the box with the straw, imitating the key and portal.  
Murray: “Oh, okay. He says the straw, they’re using it to penetrate a hole in…a box? Okay, sorry, sorry. The straw represents the key, which emits a great energy. They’re using this energy to break through a barrier, to open a doorway. A doorway between worlds.”  
Murray: “But it seems this key was only half the equation. Location…location was the other half.”  
Alexei shows a crumpled up wrapper to Joyce.  
Joyce: “Oh what…”  
Murray: “In Hawkins, the door had been opened once. It was still healing.”  
Alexei pokes a hole through it with the straw.  
Hopper: “Jesus Christ.”  
Joyce: “So this door is open now?”  
Murray: “He says it is opening.”  
Joyce gasps and gets up.  
Hopper: “Where are you going?”  
Joyce: “To call our children.”  
Alexei (in Russian): “Can we watch Loony Tunes now?”  
Murray (in Russian): “No.”

Murray (in Russian): “The key. Is there a way to turn it off?”  
Murray: “He says, ‘of course he could turn it off. Could Edison not turn off a lamp? Could Bell not hang up a phone?’ Cocky bastard. But…”  
Hopper: “But what?”  
Murray: “but he is now naked. Sorry, exposed. Compromised.”  
Hopper leans toward Alexei. “Hey, I will get you there. I will get you to your key.”  
Alexei bursts into laughter.  
Hopper: “You wanna ask him what the hell’s so funny about that?”  
Murray: “He says he likes your courage. You remind him of a…fat Rambo. But he says even thin Rambo couldn’t get there.”  
Murray: “This key, it is in an underground fortress, designed by the greatest Russian minds, guarded by their greatest warriors. Breaking in is…impossible.”

Joyce wakes Alexei up from the couch.  
Joyce: “Alexei.”  
Alexei (in Russian): “What’s going on?”  
Joyce: “We gotta go. Vroom vroom. Back to Hawkins. Come on. Come on.”  
Alexei follows the others out the door and into the car.  
Episode 24 The Bite

Alexei points to a blueprint map and speaks Russian to Murray, both in the backseats.

Hopper: “What’s he saying?”  
Murray: “He’s showing me the location of the key to turn off the machine.”  
Murray: “Sorry, keys. Two keys.”  
Hopper: “Two man rule.”  
Joyce: “Two man rule?”  
Hopper: “Yeah like two men, two keys, like a…nuclear launch.”  
Murray: “But, uh, to retrieve the keys, there is a vault. And to open the vault, you need to enter Planck’s constant.”  
Hopper: ‘Planck’s what?”  
Murray: “Planck’s constant. It’s a very famous number.”  
Joyce: “Alright, so we get the keys and then we turn the machine off.”  
Murray: “That’s what he says.”  
Joyce: “All right, well, that shouldn’t be too hard. We can do this.”  
Hopper: “Joyce, did you hear the part where he said the place was like an impenetrable fortress?”  
Joyce: “Yeah, but there has to be a way in.”  
Hopper: “Yeah, there is. Our military.”  
Joyce: “Who are coming.”  
Hopper: “Well, we don’t know that anymore because you yelled at them like it was a parent teacher conference, and then you hung up on them, so we don’t know what the hell’s going on, because now we’re…wait, what are we…oh, wait that’s right! We’re on our way to rescue our children from the big bad Fourth of July celebration!”  
Joyce: “You know what, if you can’t handle this, then just turn around, and drop me off first.”  
Hopper: “What are you gonna do. You gonna walk back to Hawkins?”  
Joyce: “I will do anything if it gets me away from you!”  
Murray: “Children children children! This interminable bickering was amusing at first, but it’s getting very stale and we’ve still got a long drive ahead of us. So, why don’t you two cut the horses**t, and get to the part where you admit your sexual feelings for another?”  
Hopper; “Whoa!”  
Joyce: “You are way off, base, buddy!”  
Murray: “Oh spare me, spare me, spare me! Yes, yes, he’s a brute, I know. Probably reminds you of a bad relationship, and gosh, you’d really like a nice man to settle down with, But, admit it, you’re real curious to know what he’s like in the sack.”  
Murray: “And you. Ha! Well, you’re just a bug manbaby who’d rather act tough than show his true feelings, because the last time you opened up your heart, you got hurt. Owie. And now, rather than admit these feelings, you’re dancing around one another with this mind-numbing and frankly boorish mating ritual. So, please, for my sake, either quit your bickering, or pull over, tear off those clothes, and get it over with already!”

Alexei (in Russian): “What was that?”  
Murray (in Russian): “I told them they should have sex.”  
Alexei (in Russian) “They have not had sex?”  
Murray: (in Russian) “No.”  
Both men laugh.

At the fair

Hopper: “Stay here. Go over the plans with Smirnoff.”  
Murray: “I can help look.”  
Hopper: “No, you’ll scare the children.”  
Murray: “Jim, if this is about earlier…”  
Hopper: “Stay put, Freud! You hear me? Stay put!”

Alexei (in Russian): “And why all this? If I just turn the keys, it’s like turning off a car.”  
Murray (in Russian): “But then the car still works, does it not?”  
Alexei (in Russian): “Yes. And do you want the car to still work, or do you want it to explode?”  
Murray (in Russian): “I want the car to explode.”  
Alexei (in Russian): “Good. Then do this. Just make sure you are nowhere near it when it does. It is not pretty. Turns people into dust. And the, it’s over.”  
Both chuckle.  
Alexei (in Russian): “And I become an American citizen and join in the fun, yes?”  
Murray (in Russian): “Who said you had to be an American to join the fun?” Puts hand on his shoulder.

Both of them walk among the crowd.  
Murray (in Russian): “It doesn’t get more American than this, my friend. Fatty foods, ugly decadence, rigged games.”  
Murray: “Fifteen tickets please.”

Alexei notices a dart game.

Alexei: (in Russian): “They are rigged, these games?”  
Murray: (in Russian): “Yes.”  
Alexi hears a balloon pop and sees a dart game.  
Alexei (in Russian): “They do not look rigged.”  
Murray: (in Russian): “That’s just it, my dear Alexei. They have been designed to present the illusion of fairness! But it’s all a scam, a trick, to put your money in the rich man’s pockets. That, my dear friend is…America.”  
Murray gives Alexei yellow tickets.  
Murray: (in Russian): “But hey, knock yourself out.”  
Alexei (in Russian): “Where are you going?”  
Murray (in Russian): “To get us the closest thing to food I can find.” 

Alexei pops a green balloon.  
Host: “That’s three green! And here’s dart number four!”  
Alexei smiles and takes the dart. He pops another balloon and the kids cheer around him. He smiles and gives one a high five.  
Host: “One more for the big prize!”  
Black boy: “You can do it, mister!”  
Alexei pops another balloon, the bell rings and everyone cheers.  
Host: “We have a winner!”  
Alexei gives a kid in a baseball cap a high five.  
Alexei smiles as he walks with a stuffed version of Woody the Woodpecker over his shoulders.

Alexei (in Russian): “Murray! Look! It’s not rigged!” he points to the stuffed animal.  
Murray: “Ah!” (laughs like Woody the Woodpecker and holds up two corn dogs)  
Alexei (in Russian): “It’s not rigged!” (laughs heartedly).  
Alexei’s smile fades to a look of fear when he sees the Russian assassin walk toward him.

Grigori fatally shots him in the gut.

Grigori (in Russian): “Traitor.”

Alexei notices the blood on his fingers and seeping through his white shirt.  
Murray: “Alexei!”  
Alexei’s vision blurs.  
Murray: “Alexei! Oh no. Oh my God. Let’s go.”  
Murray moves him off to the side.  
Alexei grunts and coughs. He leans against a yellow and blue wall.  
Murray: “Easy.”  
Murray takes off his blue jacket and holds it against the wound.  
Murray: (in Russian): “Keep pressure on it. I’ll get you help. I’ll get help.”  
Murray leaves and Alexei dies, head lowered.

Joyce: “Alexei! Oh my God.”  
Murray: “I…I just left for a minute for a corn dog. A stupid corn dog.”  
Joyce cries. “Oh God. Oh no.”


End file.
